The story of this week is a chaotic story of things that I learned to undo. There were a lot of things unpacked this week, and looking back, I may have let some negative thoughts slid into my sacred temple.
After dumping thoughts in my journal, I’m preparing to sleep. I’ve decided to uninstall Instagram again for my productivity and sanity’s sake, so I ran to Reddit for my possible bedtime story.
I came across this post on Reddit.
The line “He just chose to protect me from his negative thoughts” made me reflect on how I protect myself and my loved ones from negative thoughts. What am I doing to help bring about peace into mine and the lives of those around me? How should I manage all my complaints?
What does it mean to complain?
Cambridge dictionary defines “complain” as to say that something is wrong or not satisfactory or to tell someone formally that something is wrong.
In this article, we’ll talk about “complain” simply as “talking about something we disagree with.”
Why do we complain?
The simplest explanation I can think of is we complain we because we disagree with something and it poses as a problem for us and in the way we live.
To process this indifference, we let out steam in the form of a discourse which is often, based on observation, left on a negative note.
e.g: Employee A found out that she will be paid less than half of what she was expecting because of the company policies. Employee A was unhappy so she sought the support of her best friend, and over beers, she talked about how cheap her company is and how ungrateful they are. The rant session ended with ” The company is shitty, they don’t compensate everyone fairly.”
How does complaining help?
Based on the example above, complaining helps you regulate your emotions and let off some steam. But… really? Does this help?
To let off some steam is a good thing, but does this help resolve your dissatisfaction? Does this change the situation?
It mostly depends on where you aim the complaints at. If you voice them out to fellows who don’t have the power to change the situation, then it may be a waste of time going through and through what happened without a proper resolution.
It’s a different conversation if you raise the complaints with authorities who can actually help you find resolution. Coming up with a strong argument, ideas for improvement, and a mind open to understanding the situation is highly necessary in these types of situations.
Should we complain?
As someone who vents all the time, rather than complaining, I’d say we should sit down and discuss. It sounded like I just euphemised what complaining is but hear me out.
When we complain, our mind is already convinced that something is wrong. It usually has a negative connotation and leaves us ruminating all day. However, when we discuss, we have our minds open to understanding how something is the way it is and aim to extend a hand on how to make things better.
How do I deal with my complaints?
Life is not perfect, as we all know. In reference to the course I took earlier this year, The Science of well-being, we usually want the wrong things that bring us about more negative emotions than positive ones.
Whenever I am in a situation i don’t like or I feel like I can improve, I grab my journal and write about it, uncensored. My rule of thumb is, if it causes you confusion, simplify it for yourself before dealing it with someone else.
I figured it’s better to have it processed alone first, especially ones that feel heavy. For me, it’s better to let it sit for a while before confiding with a friend. Concentrated complaints invites unfiltered words that may cause permanent damage.
When I journal about it, I usually feel better after a few paragraphs. While my hands are cramping, tired from chasing my thoughts, that’s when things become clearer. I can then list down why I feel this ways, and possible reasons why things are this way.
By understanding, we can then be more in touch with our human side, our caring side, and deal with something carefully, the way we want to be dealt with.
Conclusion:
In this quick article, I realised that my words do not affect me alone, but also the people who surround me. Protecting them from negative thoughts by not complaining is a simple act of kindness I can do regularly.
By not complaining, I also help myself be mindful of what’s going in my head and out of my mouth. By choosing the words correctly, and thinking of possible solutions to help me and the other party is actually a better way to spend time dealing with dissatisfaction.
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