“Shame,” a word we would hear so often as kids whenever we voiced out when we wanted something.
Imagine you’ve been eating vegetables for 2 weeks and you ask your parents, “Can’t we at least cook eggs to balance it out?” My dad would say something along the lines of, “Have you no shame? When we were kids, we could only afford vegetables, and we never complained. Shut up and finish your food.”
Imagine being at a party with a lot of leftover food, and you want to get some home because you really loved it. “Don’t be shameless, we have food at home.”
My culture is huge on “Shame.” You have to be pristine, you have to be behaving well. Anyone who’s vocal about anything is considered shameless and is hated. Why? Well, my theory is that because most of us are too shy to say what we want, we get mad at people who has the ability to do so.
I grew up with that philosophy. I shouldn’t be asking anything. They should give it to me even without asking. It should always be obvious. They should always know. I deserve this, I’m the one person for it – me, me, me.
Then, my frontal lobe developed. I realised, not everything will be handed to you. If they didn’t know you wanted it in the first place.
Like with guys I had a crush on, they wouldn’t know I exist if I didn’t even talk to them. I talked to them, they still didn’t like me, and that’s okay! At least they know I’m alive, at least they know I have a name.
Like with jobs I applied for, how would they know you want to be a part of their company if you didn’t even submit your resume?
Like with my piercing artist, how would he know I want it on my right nostril if I just sat there frozen and afraid of a needle?
Like with my current job, how would my boss know I realized I can be a bigger support in another role if I hadn’t written to her?
I’ve been stalking the supermodel Alex Consani, and in one of her interviews with Anok Yai, they were talking about what they include in their riders. Alex mentions a long list of items, some of which sounded impossible; nevertheless, it’s there. What does she have to lose if they say no? She didn’t have them in the first place. It’s not like they’re taking it away from her. That’s when I heard, “Closed mouths don’t get fed.”
Have the courage to say what it is that you want. Have no shame in saying what it is that you want to happen. If it happens, that’s great! If it doesn’t, then okay. But now, not only do you know what you want, loved ones know it, friends know it, the universe knows it. If it’s for you, then you just gotta wait for it.
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